Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
