i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Two words: blizzard sex
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
