Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
