I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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