I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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