Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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