TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
