I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
