Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
