Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
