Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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