Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
