Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
