She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
