on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
