it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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