hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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