I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
