You're my little dorito
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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