what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
