Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize