There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
