I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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