I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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