I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
