who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Randomize
