I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
