a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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