no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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