I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Are we still banned from the library?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
