How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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