The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
well you can't waste a boner
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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