Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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