I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
