they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
