is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
