apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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