There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
