Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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