Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
