Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
