thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
