I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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