Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
