I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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