i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
