in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
