Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
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