I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
