is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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