i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
