naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
