I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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