I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
