he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
