she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
