So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
high people should be assigned attendants
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
