I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
