I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
