Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
