You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
