my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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