Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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