I am midnight drunk by noon
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
